MARxIST PHIOSoPHY

The Marx Brothers were entertainers who started on vaudeville circuits, then performed on Broadway and in movies. Leonard Joseph "Chico" Marx was the oldest of the brothers, b. 1887, with Arthur "Harpo" Marx born in 1888, Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx in 1890, Milton "Gummo" Marx in 1892, and the youngest Herbert Manfred "Zeppo" Marx in 1901. Groucho was a wise-cracking fast-talking comedian who inspired many cartoon characters such as Bugs Bunny; Groucho had signature eyebrows and moustache that he initially painted on, and a cigar. His demeanor was sarcastic and witty, hence the name Groucho. Chico would imitate an Italian accent in his act, hence the name. Harpo did not like to learn lines, but was very skilled with pantomime, slapstick, and playing the harp, hence the name Harpo. They were all talented in music as well as comedy. Zeppo was the youngest and often played the straight man to their antics, and occassionally a young love interest for a romance subplot of a film. Gummo never appeared in the films with the other brothers, and opened his own talent agency and other businesses. Zeppo also left after making a few films, and made a fortune with an engineering enterprise. Even though he had played the straight man, it was said that Zeppo was the funniest in their personal lives. The brothers were inspired by their mother, who came from a family of performers, and who managed their careers for a time.

FILMOGRAPHY
⦿ Humor Risk (1921) - a lost film
⦿ The Cocoanuts (1929)
⦿ Animal Crackers (1930) - my personal favorite, I saw it performed live on stage in London!
⦿ Monkey Business (1931)
⦿ Horse Feathers (1932)
⦿ Duck Soup (1933)
⦿ A Night at the Opera (1935)
⦿ A Day at the Races (1937)
⦿ Room Service (1938)
⦿ At the Circus (1939)
⦿ Go West (1940)
⦿ The Big Store (1941)
⦿ A Night in Casablanca (1946)
⦿ Love Happy (1949) - this one is not very good

Groucho went on to have many cameos and also hosted the long-running quiz game show You Bet Your Life.

QUOTES

Chico: So now I tell you how we fly to America. The first time we started we got-a half way there when we run out a gasoline, and we gotta go back. Then I take-a twice as much gasoline. This time we're just about to land, maybe three feet, when what do you think: we run out of gasoline again. And-a back-a we go again to get-a more gas. This time I take-a plenty gas. Well, we get-a half way over, when what do you think happens: we forgot-a the airplane. So, we gotta sit down and we talk it over. Then I get-a the great idea. We no take-a gasoline, we no take-a the airplane. We take steamship, and that, friends, is how we fly across the ocean.

Groucho: Come over here, I want to see you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby. If you want to keep him up in the room, you'll have to keep him in a trap.
Chico: You can't catch him.
Groucho: Who is he?
Chico: He's my partner, but he no speak.
Groucho: Oh, that's your silent partner.

Groucho: You know what an auction is, eh?
Chico: I come from Italy on the Atlantic Auction.

Groucho: Hey, hey! You know that suitcase is empty?
Chico: That's all right. We fill it up before we leave.

Groucho: All along the river, those are all levees.
Chico: That's the Jewish neighborhood?
Groucho: Well, we'll pass over that.

Groucho: Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket.

Groucho: Now here is a little peninsula and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
Chico: Why a duck?

Groucho: Passkey - that's Russian for pass - you know they passkey down the streetsky.

Groucho: I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.

Groucho: You can have any kind of a home you want. You can even get stucco. Oh, how you can get stuck-oh!

Groucho: Aw, don't go away and leave me here alone, you stay here and I'll go away.

Groucho: Now, over here on this site, we're gonna build an eye and ear hospital. This is gonna be a site for sore eyes.

Groucho: Believe me, you gotta get up early if you want to get out of bed.

Groucho: Be free, my friends. One for all and all for me, and me for you, and three for five, and six for a quarter.

Groucho: No, my friends. Money will never make you happy, and happy will never make you money. That might be a wisecrack, but I doubt it.

Groucho: Well, all the jokes can't be good. You've got to expect that once in awhile.

Groucho: Signor Ravelli's first selection will be "Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping" with a male chorus.

Groucho: One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

Groucho: Why, you've got beauty, charm, money! You *have* got money, haven't you? Because if you haven't, we can quit right now.

Groucho: How much would you charge to run into an open manhole?
Chico: Just the cover charge.
Groucho: Well, drop in sometime.
Chico: Sewer.
Groucho: Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.

Groucho: You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, which doesn't say much for you.

Groucho: Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west, and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.

Groucho: You know, you two girls have everything. You're tall and short and slim and stout and blonde and brunette. And that's just the kind of a girl I crave.

Groucho: Do you mind if I don't smoke?

Groucho: How happy I could be with either of these two if both of them just went away.

Groucho: Well, you go Uruguay and I'll go mine.

Groucho: Tell me, what do you think of the traffic problem? What do you think of the marriage problem? What do you think of at night when you go to bed, you beast?

Groucho: I'm fascinated, too. Right on the arm.

Groucho: The elks, on the other hand, live up in the hills. And in the spring, they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come to the water hole. And you should see them run when they find it is only a water hole! What they're looking for is an alcohol.

Groucho: Follow me men! Never mind the men, just the women!

Groucho: Would you mind going out and crossing the boulevard when the lights are against you.

Groucho: Suppose nobody in the house took the painting?
Chico: Go to the house next door.
Groucho: That's great. Suppose there isn't any house next door?
Chico: Well, then of course, we gotta build one.
Groucho: Well, now you're talking! What kind of a house do you think we ought to put up, huh?
Chico: Well, I'll tel ya, Cap. You see, my idea of a house is something nice and small and comfortable.
Groucho: That's the way I feel about it; I don't want anything elaborate, just a little place I can call home and tell the wife I won't be there for dinner.
Chico: I see; you just want a telephone booth.

Groucho: I don't like Junior crossing the tracks on his way to the reform school. I don't like Junior at all, as a matter of fact.

Chico: Yeh, right there's the rooms. This is your room. This is a my room. And this is the maid's room.
Groucho: Oh, I'd have to go through your room?
Chico: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah, that's alright. I won't be in it.

Chico: Well, look. All you gotta do is open the door, step outside and there you are.
Groucho: There you are? There you are, where?
Chico: Outside.
Groucho: Well, suppose you want to get back in again?
Chico: You had no right to go out.

Groucho: Mrs. Rittenhouse, ever since I met you, I've swept you off my feet.

Chico: How do you want to play? Honest?

Groucho: No trains will be sold after the magazines leave the depot.

Groucho: If I were a man, you'd resent that!

Groucho: You know, I'd buy you a parachute if I thought it wouldn't open.
Chico: Ha-ha-ha! Hey, I got pair of shoes!

Groucho: Play the song about Montreal.
Chico: Montreal?
Groucho: I'm a Dreamer, Montreal.

Groucho: You know, I've always had an idea that my retirement would be the greatest contribution to science that the world has ever known.

Chico: That's-a my own solution.
Groucho: I wish you were in it.

Groucho: How do you feel, tired? Maybe you ought to lie down for a couple of years, eh? Why don't you just lie down until rigor mortis sets in?

Groucho: Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Groucho: Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars? *Afraid*? You bet I'm afraid!

Groucho: That's what I always say: love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Groucho: If this is the Captain, I'm gonna have a few words with him. My hot water's been cold for three days. And I haven't got room enough in here to swing a cat. In fact, I haven't even got a cat.

Groucho: With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now.

Chico: What's the matter with me? I'm hungry. I didn't eat in three days.
Groucho: Three days? We've only been on the boat two days.
Chico: I didn't eat yesterday, I didn't eat today, and I'm not gonna eat tomorrow. That makes a three days.

Chico: My father was-a partner's with Columbus. Groucho: Your father and Columbus were partners? Chico: You bet. Groucho: Columbus has been dead 400 years. Chico: Well, they told me it was my father. Groucho: ...Columbus was sailing along on his vessel...
Chico: On his what?
Groucho: Not on his what, on his vessel. Don't you know what vessel is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel... *whistles*
Groucho: Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India, looking for a shortcut.
Chico: Oh, you mean strawberry shortcut.
Groucho: I don't know. When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me.
Chico: What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?
Groucho: You bet she could, but I found her out, too late. Well, enough of this. Let's get back to Columbus.
Chico: I'd rather get back to the nurse.
Groucho: So would I.

Groucho: Do you think that girls think less of a boy if he lets himself be kissed? I mean, eh, don't you think that although girls go out with boys like me they - they always marry the other kind?

Groucho: You call this a barn? This looks like a stable.
Chico: Well, if you look at it, it's a barn. If you smell it, it's a stable.
Groucho: Well, let's just look at it.

Groucho: Would you mind getting up off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?
Chico: Oh, you're crazy. Flies can't read papers.

Groucho: You're just wasting your breath, and that's no great loss either.

Groucho: Fancy meeting you here after all these drinks.

Groucho: I'm young. I want gaiety, laughter, ha-cha-cha. I want to dance. I want to dance till the cows come home.

Zeppo: Don't you think we better go?
Groucho: What? And leave this woman here alone with her husband? Suppose her sweetheart came in?

Groucho: That's what they said to Thomas Edison, mighty inventor; Thomas Lindbergh, mighty flier; and Tomashevsky, mighty like a rose. Just remember, my little cabbage, that if there weren't any closets, there wouldn't be any hooks, and if there weren't any hooks, there wouldn't be any fish, and that would suit me fine.

Groucho: Well, take a rhumba from one to ten!

Groucho: Chico, you've got the brain of a four-year old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Chico: Who are you?
Groucho: I'm fine, thanks, who are you?
Chico: I'm fine too, but you can't come in unless you give the password.
Groucho: Well, what is the password?
Chico: Aw, no. You gotta tell me. Hey, I tell what I do. I give you three guesses. It's the name of a fish.
Groucho: Is it Mary?
Chico: Ha-ha. That's-a no fish.
Groucho: She isn't? Well, she drinks like one. Let me see: Is it sturgeon?
Chico: Hey, you crazy. Sturgeon, he's a doctor cuts you open when-a you sick. Now I give you one more chance.
Groucho: I got it. Haddock.
Chico: That's-a funny. I gotta haddock, too.
Groucho: What do you take for a haddock?
Chico: Well-a, sometimes I take-a aspirin, sometimes I take-a calomel.
Groucho: Say, I'd walk a mile for a calomel.
Chico: You mean chocolate calomel. I like that too, but you no guess it. Hey, what's-a matter, you no understand English? You can't come in here unless you say, "Swordfish." Now I'll give you one more guess.
Groucho: ...swordfish, swordfish... I think I got it. Is it "swordfish"?
Chico: Hah. That's-a it. You guess it.
Groucho: Pretty good, eh?

Groucho: I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions.

Groucho: [singing] I don't know what they have to say / It makes no difference anyway / Whatever it is, I'm against it. / No matter what it is or who commenced it, I'm against it! / Your proposition may be good / But let's have one thing understood: / Whatever it is, I'm against it. / And even when you've changed it or condensed it, I'm against it! / For months before my son was born / I used to yell from night till morn: / Whatever it is, I'm against it! / And I've kept yelling since I've first commenced it, I'm against it.

Groucho: [the retiring president has just made a speech] Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech. And that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.

Chico: There's a man outside with a big black moustache.
Groucho: Tell him I've got one!

Groucho: My boy, get in there and play like you did in the last game. I've got five dollars bet on the other team.

Groucho: I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.

Groucho: Why don't you go home to your wife? I'll tell you what, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement she'll never know the difference.

Groucho: Now then, baboons, what is a corpuscle?
Chico: That's easy! First is a captain, then is a lieutenant, then is a corpuscle!

Groucho: Now, here is a most unusual organ. The organ will play a solo immediately after the feature picture.

Groucho: Oh, I love sitting on your lap. I could sit here all day if you didn't stand up.

Groucho: Gentlemen, Chico here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.
Chico: I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll take five and ten in Woolworth.

Groucho: I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Chico: All right, I tell you. Monday we watch-a Firefly's house, but he no come out. He wasn't home. Tuesday we go to the ball game, but he fool us: he no show up. Wednesday he go to the ball game, but we fool him, we no show up. Thursday it was a double-header, nobody show up. Friday it rained all day, there was no ball game, so we stayed home, we listen to it over the radio.

Groucho: Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Groucho: You're a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you're out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in be in here thinking what a sucker you are.

Groucho: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Groucho: I'm in a hurry! To the House of Representatives! Ride like fury! If you run out of gas, get ethyl. If Ethel runs out, get Mabel! Now step on it!

Groucho: I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.

Groucho: Hey! Do you want to be a public nuisance?
Chico: Sure! How much does the job pay?

Groucho: Go, and never darken my towels again!

Groucho: How would you like a job in the Mint?
Chico: Mint? No, no, I no like a mint. Uh, what other flavor you got?

Groucho: Don't be scared, you'll get it back. I'll give you my personal note for ninety days. If it isn't paid by then, you can keep the note.

Groucho: Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Chico: Well, I tell you what I think, I think we should have a standing army.
Groucho: Why should we have a standing army?
Chico: Because then we save money on chairs.

Groucho: Chico, give me a number from one to ten.
Chico: Eleven.
Groucho: Right!

Q: Chico, when were you born?
Chico: I don't-a remember. I was just a little baby.

Chico: Well, who you gonna believe? Me or your own eyes?

Groucho: I wanted to get a writ of habeas corpus, but I should have gotten a-rid of you instead.

Groucho: Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you.

Groucho: Look at Chico. He sits there alone, an abject figure...
Chico: I abject!

Chico: That's a good quarter cigar. I smoke the other 3/4 myself.

Groucho: Good. You're hired!... Now, go out on that battlefield and lead those men to victory. Go on, they're waiting for you!
Chico: I wouldn't go out there unless I was in one of those big iron things, go up and down like this... What do you call-a those things?
Groucho: Tanks.
Chico: You're welcome!

Chico: He gets mad because he can't read.

Groucho: I danced before Napoleon. No, Napoleon danced before me. As a matter of fact, he danced 200 years before me.

Groucho: I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you're on your own.

Groucho: Oh, we had an argument and he pulled a knife on me, so I shot him.

Groucho: Do you know America is waiting to hear him sing?
Chico: Well, he can sing loud, but he can't sing that loud.
Groucho: Well, I think I can get America to meet him halfway.

Groucho: I have here an accident policy that will absolutely protect you no matter what happens. If you lose a leg, we'll help you look for it.

Groucho: All right, I'll read it to you. Can you hear?
Chico: I haven't heard anything yet. Did you say anything?
Groucho: Well, I haven't said anything worth hearing.
Chico: Well, that's-a why I didn't hear anything.
Groucho: Well, that's why I didn't say anything.
Groucho: Now pay particular attention to this first clause because it's most important. It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?
Chico: No, that's no good.
Groucho: What's the matter with it?
Chico: I dunno. Let's hear it again.
Groucho: It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part."
Chico: That sounds a little better this time.
Groucho: Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?
Chico: Er... just the first part.
Groucho: What do you mean? The... the party of the first part?
Chico: No, the first part of the party of the first part.
Groucho: All right. It says the, uh, "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract..." look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
Chico: [chuckles as Driftwood and Fiorello tear off part of the contract] Yeah, it's-a too long, anyhow. Now what do we got left?
Groucho: Well, I've got about a foot-and-a-half... Now, it says, uh, "The party of the second part shall be known in this contract as the party of the second part."
Chico: Well, I don't know about that...
Groucho: Now what's the matter?
Chico: I no like-a the second party, either.
Groucho: Well, you should have come to the first party. We didn't get home 'til around four in the morning. I was blind for three days!
Chico: Hey look: Why can't the first part of the second party be the second part of the first party? Then you got something.
Groucho: Well, look, uh... rather than go through all that again, what do you say?
Chico: Fine.
Groucho: It's all right, that's in every contract. That's what they call a sanity clause.
Chico: You can't fool me! There ain't no Sanity Claus!
Groucho: Just you put your name right down there, and the deal is legal.
Chico: I forgot to tell you: I can't write.
Groucho: Well, that's all right. There's no ink in the pen anyhow.

Chico: What'll I say?
Groucho: Tell them you're not here.
Chico: Suppose they don't believe me?
Groucho: They'll believe you when you start talking.

Groucho: That can't be my shirt, my shirt doesn't snore.
Chico: Shh! Don't wake him up. He's got insomnia, he's trying to sleep it off.

Groucho: That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you. Of course, that's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips! Everything about you reminds me of you. Except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out, she's good.

Groucho: You didn't happen to see my suit in there, did you?
Chico: Yeah, it was taking up too much room, so we sold it.
Groucho: Did you get anything for it?
Chico: Uh... dollar forty.
Groucho: That's my suit all right.

Groucho: Two beers, bartender!
Chico: I'll take two beers, too.

Groucho: When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Groucho: You're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.

Chico: With two hard-boiled eggs.
Groucho: And two hard-boiled eggs.
Harpo; *HONK*
Groucho: Make that three hard-boiled eggs.

Groucho: I was talking to myself, and there's nothing you can do about it. I've had three of the best doctors in the East.

Groucho: How can you sleep on your stomach with such big buttons on your pajamas?

Groucho: His father was the first man to stuff spaghetti with bicarbonate of soda, thus causing and curing indigestion at the same time.

Groucho: Hey, you big bully. What's the idea of hitting that little bully?

Groucho: Say, I just remembered, I came back here looking for somebody. You don't know who it is, do you?
Chico: It's a funny thing, it just slipped my mind.

Groucho: As a matter of fact, you can hardly call me a fortune hunter. Because when I first proposed to Mrs. Claypool, I thought she only had seven million. But, the extra million is never interfered with my feelings for her.

Groucho: Hey, don't drink that poison! That's $4.00 an ounce!

Groucho: If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you!

Groucho: Emily, I have a confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me, and I'll never look at any other horse.

Groucho: It's the old, old story. Boy meets girl - Romeo and Juliet - Minneapolis and St. Paul!

Groucho: That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.

Chico: Getta your tootsie-frootsie ice cream!

Chico: Hey doc, can you see us?
Groucho: If I can't there's something wrong with my glasses.

Groucho: I'm too busy right now. I'll tell you what. I'll put the 'O' on now and come back later for the 'K.'

Q: Are you a man or a mouse?
Groucho: You put a piece of cheese down there and you'll find out.

Groucho: [to Dr. Steinberg] Don't point that beard at me! It might go off!

Chico: Have you got a woman in here?
Groucho: If I haven't, I've wasted 30 minutes of valuable time!
Chico: Well, you better get her out of here! This is the last time I'm going to tell you.
Groucho: The last time? Can I depend on that?

Groucho: I haven't seen anything like this in years. The last time I saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.
Chico: Told you he was sick.
Groucho: [pointing to Stuffy's neck] That's all pure desecration along there. He's got about a 15% metabolism, with an overactive thyroid and a glandular affectation of about 3%.
Chico: That's bad.
Groucho: With a 1% mentality. He's what we designate as the crummy moronic type. All in all, this is the most gruesome looking piece of blubber I've ever peered at.
Chico: Hey doc. Hey doc!
Groucho: Huh?
Chico: You gotta the looking glass turned around, you're looking at yourself.
Groucho: I knew it all along!

Groucho: Say "ah!"
Harpo: ...
Groucho: Louder!
Harpo: ...
Groucho: Louder!
Harpo: ...
Chico: Where are you going?
Groucho: I'm going to get my ears checked. I'm deaf.

Chico: Well, justa by accident I think I gotta one right here.
Groucho: A lotta accidents around here for a quiet neighborhood.

Groucho: You don't have to look any further, I've got the most peculiar talents of any doctor you've ever met.

Groucho: Hello. Yes, will you look in the steam room and see if my frankfurters are done?

Groucho: Dr. Steinberg, by a strange coincidence, this is another Dr. Steinberg. May I take my great friend and introduce my colleagues and good friends, another Dr. Steinberg. This is a Dr. Steinberg, Dr. Steinberg. Dr. Steinberg. And a Mrs. Steinberg. And Doctor, I'd like you to meet another Dr. Steinberg. And, eh, that's a, that's a Steinberg junior.

Groucho: She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

Chico: Hey, boss! C'mere! Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track!
Groucho: I notice he wins all the time.
Chico: Aw, just because he comes in first.
Groucho: Well, I don't want 'em any better than first.

Groucho: I bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.

Groucho: You love your brother, don't you?
Chico: No, but I'm used to him.

Groucho: Time wounds all heels.

Groucho: Where have I seen your face before?
Chico: Right where it is now.

Chico: Hey whataya do with that hat; that hat cost a lotta money.
Groucho: How much did it cost him?
Chico: I dunno; he stole it.

Groucho: I give you my solemn word as an embezzler, I'll be back in ten minutes.

Chico: You said you was an embezzler, but, you no fool me. I knew you was a crook!

Groucho: Any resemblance between these two characters and living persons is purely accidental.

Groucho: I'm not drunk, but, what's the ceiling doing on the floor?

Groucho: What did he say?
Chico: He said, first they're going to give us a fair trial, then they kill us.

Chico: I take-a your picture. Hey! Look at me and laugh.
Groucho: I've been doing that for 20 years.

Groucho: From now on the essence of this hotel will be speed. If a customer askes you for a three-minute egg, give it to him in two minutes. If he askes you for a two-minute egg, give it to him in one minute. If he askes you for a one-minute egg, give him the chicken and let him work it out for himself!

Chico: What you need is a good bodyguard.
Groucho: What I need is a good body. The one I've got isn't worth guarding.
Chico: I be-a you bodyguard! I watch-a you like a mother watches a baby!
Groucho: Is the mother pretty?
Chico: Why?
Groucho: Well, if she is, you watch the baby, I'll watch the mother!

Groucho: This is like living in Pittsburgh - if you can call that living.

Groucho: Well, here we are flying in the air. What a stupid remark that is.

Chico: We're gonna' play a little classical number. We're gonna' play the Second Movement from "The Beer Barrel Polka".

Groucho: Let me see that... 9 dollars and 40 cents? This is an outrage. If I were you I wouldn't pay it.